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Your kind thoughts would be appreciated

PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 8:09 am
by TontoBronto
I posted months ago about my father's struggle with dementia, and several members have kindly kept in touch with concern about how things are going.
It's surprising just how helpful those words have been, so I first want them to know how grateful I am.

I'm posting today to let them know that Dad passed peacefully last night after friends & I had sat with him all day in his room. Though he had slipped into a coma, we all tried to keep him comfortable physically and to reassure him emotionally, continuing to speak to him in hopes that our words would get through on some level and let him know he was loved and not alone. The friends left for the night, and I was able to spend the last hour of his life alone with him.
I've made many mistakes in my relationship with Dad, and I hope he somehow heard my apologies & forgave me. I hope he then felt it was OK to leave . . . .

I'd appreciate it if you could think a kind thought for Dad. No need to post, just take a mental moment. Maybe more importantly, I hope you'll reflect on your own loved ones and make sure they know how you feel about them.

There were many times I lost patience with Dad---one happened Monday after a long day at the hospital. Little did I know that he wouldn't be fully conscious the next morning and would be gone in 36 hours. I often told myself to act as if I was seeing Dad for the last time, but it's hard to maintain that high standard day after day, week after week; still, I wish I had done better, I wish I had hit the mark more often even if only a handful of extra times.

Now I hope others might learn something from my shortcoming--choose the kind word rather than the harsh one, take a deep breath before saying something that'll be regretted later, just try to do better even if you can't be perfect.

Re: Your kind thoughts would be appreciated

PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 9:41 am
by Rob
So sorry to hear about your loss, Bruce.

Know it probably doesn't mean much now, but whatever your mistakes or shortcomings, you're human, and we all have them.

I'm very busy at this moment writing a show, but on the upside, I'm surrounded by beautiful music. And as well you know, that's always a great comfort. Always found the tune below to be such a hopeful song about death, and I sincerely hope Steve and Emmylou can he helpful during this tough time.

Hunker down, take a belt or two as needed, listen to music, stare at some flowers, feel the grass, and don't beat yourself up. I'm sure your father understood and understands the emotions you went through and will continue to feel.

Best,

-- Rob

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAmBkQDAUh4

Re: Your kind thoughts would be appreciated

PostPosted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 4:09 am
by Turk
Bruce -
You can do all the right things and still feel like there's more you should have done. You have to let it be and not dwell on it. There is a calm bliss that one has when they pass. I saw it in my mother's face when she died. It transcends any thoughts and actions that have taken place. There is no judgment, no blame.

You were there for your father and in his way he knows you did your best. He's no longer confused and suffering, and there's no doubt that he'd want you to feel some relief. You owe it to him and to yourself to feel okay about it all. He's free from his pain now. It's up to you to let go of yours, and it'll happen in time. The worst is over.

Kind thoughts are with your father as he continues his journey and more kind thoughts are with you as you make it through this. And you will.

Re: Your kind thoughts would be appreciated

PostPosted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 7:43 am
by TontoBronto
Rob & Turk,
thanks for your thoughts.

As Turk mentioned, there was a "calm" at Dad's passing.
His leg spasms had of course ceased, and it was the first time in months I had seen him "resting" in bed as he had years ago.
I've been carting around a box of old photos that I've shared with him over these last months, and I felt contentment as I went through them again as I sat there beside him.

Thanks again.

Re: Your kind thoughts would be appreciated

PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 7:35 am
by marybeth
Bruce, I am very sorry about your father's passing. I am sure you were a good son to him.

Re: Your kind thoughts would be appreciated

PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 7:56 am
by TontoBronto
Thanks, Marybeth.

Re: Your kind thoughts would be appreciated

PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 6:09 pm
by Little_Kites
Tonto, sorry to hear about your father :(

Re: Your kind thoughts would be appreciated

PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2012 6:56 am
by TontoBronto
Thanks, lk!