Top 10 Signs Your Flight Attendant is About to Go Nuts

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Postby outta » Fri Jun 27, 2008 10:44 pm

I have all the classic syptoms! I'm a coffee snob ... kinda. And get this, when I went to make a pot of coffee this morning, the coffee pot started spewing coffee everywhere! I grabbed a cup and tried to catch enough to get at least a half a cup before I ventured out for the day, but, to my great distress, I ended up having to pull the plug on the pot ... ultimately, setting it in the sink. My dog licked licked the floor, which tempted me to start licking the counter, but, I regained my senses after only a moment of indecisiveness. I didn't get the first sip.

It's still in the sink. I was going to put it in the trash barrel, but I'm afraid the garbage collectors might sift through the garbage, take it for their personal use and get burned. I think I'll write a note on it before I toss it. A note should suffice.

Oddly enough, I was calm today ...

until I had my venti cafe' mocha. Now, I'm wired.
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Postby Turk » Thu Jul 17, 2008 8:54 am

outta wrote:I have all the classic syptoms! I'm a coffee snob ... kinda. And get this, when I went to make a pot of coffee this morning, the coffee pot started spewing coffee everywhere! I grabbed a cup and tried to catch enough to get at least a half a cup before I ventured out for the day, but, to my great distress, I ended up having to pull the plug on the pot ... ultimately, setting it in the sink. My dog licked licked the floor, which tempted me to start licking the counter, but, I regained my senses after only a moment of indecisiveness. I didn't get the first sip.

It's still in the sink. I was going to put it in the trash barrel, but I'm afraid the garbage collectors might sift through the garbage, take it for their personal use and get burned. I think I'll write a note on it before I toss it. A note should suffice.

Oddly enough, I was calm today ...

until I had my venti cafe' mocha. Now, I'm wired.

I'm not a big coffee drinker, but I like it when I'm traveling. And don't be too shocked but I've never been inside a Starbucks. Ever.

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Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear At The Beach


10. "You're going to have to put on a top - oh, sorry, sir"

9. "Forget about sharks, I thought I saw a tomato in the water"

8. "Due to the mortgage crisis, we're foreclosing your sandcastle"

7. "We're out of mayo; use the Coppertone"

6. "Wow, that lifeguard can really put away the gin"

5. "The water? It's about eleven miles that way"

4. "I know you're not drowning, but would you like mouth-to-mouth anyway?"

3. "Giant squid! Run for your lives!"

2. "Are you here for the Al Qaeda summer picnic?"

1. "Now where did I bury Grandpa?"
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Postby outta » Thu Jul 17, 2008 8:08 pm

Never been inside a Starbucks ... ever? Good grief, are you sick or simply twisted? The aroma alone is reason enough to at least step inside ... and then, stay forever ....
"Tell me the truth, you sweet son of a bitch"
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Postby Turk » Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:37 pm

outta wrote:Never been inside a Starbucks ... ever? Good grief, are you sick or simply twisted? The aroma alone is reason enough to at least step inside ... and then, stay forever ....

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL :lol:
Sick and twisted and probably lost my sense of smell.
I do love the smell of coffee better than the taste.
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Postby outta » Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:47 pm

Turk wrote:
outta wrote:Never been inside a Starbucks ... ever? Good grief, are you sick or simply twisted? The aroma alone is reason enough to at least step inside ... and then, stay forever ....

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL :lol:
Sick and twisted and probably lost my sense of smell.
I do love the smell of coffee better than the taste.


Ha! Maybe your sense of smell is fine and you've lost your sense of direction!
"Tell me the truth, you sweet son of a bitch"
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Postby Turk » Fri Sep 12, 2008 1:21 pm

Image
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Postby Turk » Fri Sep 12, 2008 1:25 pm

Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear On Your First Day Of School


10. "Please rise as we pledge allegiance to North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Il"

9. "None of our students have lice -- can't say the same for the cafeteria"

8. "I'm not only your guidance counselor, I'm also the janitor"

7. "Algebra is over -- let's hit the showers"

6. "I'm your teacher, Mrs. Weston. Last year you knew me as Mr. Weston"

5. "So your mom tells me you're a bed-wetter"

4. "Instead of dissecting frogs, we'll be dissecting the body of the late Aleksander Solzhenitsyn"

3. "Grades will be based on how much you leave in my tip jar"

2. "I taught George W. Bush"

1. "Hi, I'm Principal Dick, but you can call me Andy"
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Postby RightOverThisMess » Fri Sep 12, 2008 10:14 pm

Turk wrote:Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear On Your First Day Of School


10. "Please rise as we pledge allegiance to North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Il"



AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Nobody helps a liar.
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...and you don't know what I've done.
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Postby Turk » Sun Sep 28, 2008 5:35 am

Top Ten Surprises in the Presidential Debate


10. Jim Lehrer began proceedings with, "Which one of you morons wants to go first?"

9. McCain answered every question by cupping his ear and saying, "How's that?"

8. Opened with closing statements, closed with opening statements

7. McCain said he had more fun at the Lincoln-Douglas debates

6. Everybody was talking about the new "Late Show Fun Facts" book available at bookstores everywhere

5. McCain pledged to fill entire cabinet with sassy underqualified hockey moms

4. Obama said he'll be on next season's "Dancing With The Stars"

3. Both had uncomfortable restroom stories involving Senator Larry Craig

2. They picked some guy out of the audience from New Jersey to read a Top Ten list

1. The winner -- Tina Fey
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Postby outta » Sun Sep 28, 2008 8:09 am

Turk wrote:Image


I'm seeing this for the first time! The first lol of the day! hahahaha!
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Postby Turk » Sat Oct 04, 2008 8:35 am

Top Ten Messages Left On Sarah Palin's Answering Machine


10. "Hi, it's John McCain; I had to go to bed. How'd it go?"

9. "Hi, Katie Couric here. Have you thought of a Supreme Court case yet?"

8. "Hi, it's Bill Clinton. Let me know when Todd's out of town"

7. "My name is Joseph Sixpack -- knock it off"

6. "Hi, Katie Couric again -- think of any newspapers yet?"

5. "Buy the Late Show Fun Facts book. It's a bridge to hilarity"

4. "John McCain again; could you pick up my prescriptions?"

3. "Senator Larry Craig here -- do you have Joe Biden's phone number?"

2. "McCain again; do you remember where I parked the Straight Talk Express?"

1. "It's President Bush. If you're at the debate, who's watchin' Russia?"
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Postby Turk » Tue Oct 14, 2008 10:16 am

Top Ten Signs the Presidential Campaign is Getting Ugly


10. Three times Straight Talk Express has "accidentally" knocked over Obama's mailbox

9. Next debate will be moderated by Jerry Springer

8. McCain keeps referring to opponent as Senator Barack Hussein Obama Bin Laden

7. Sarah Palin says she can see Joe Biden's hair plugs from her house

6. Desperate attempt to connect Obama with the last eight years of Regis

5. No number 5 -- economy so bad, writer putting everything he owns up on eBay

4. They have resorted to "your Vice President's so dumb" jokes

3. Obama claimed McCain's irresponsibility caused the 1929 stock market crash -- he's that old, people!

2. Even Dick Cheney thinks they're being cruel

1. Obama's gloves are off, McCain's teeth are out
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Postby Turk » Fri Oct 17, 2008 5:23 pm

Top Ten Ways John McCain Can Turn It Around


10. Try the old "I'll vote for you if you vote for me" trick

9. Inspire America by jumping Straight Talk Express over Snake River Canyon

8. Change name to Jorack McBama

7. Start wearing a cape

6. Step one: send Bin Laden free tickets to Giants game. Step two: when he shows up in East Rutherford, New Jersey expecting to enjoy some big blue smashmouth football: gotcha sucka!

5. Sizzling tango with Cloris Leachman on "Dancing With The Stars"

4. Put more effort into budget plan, less effort into Facebook status updates

3. Point out his steady leadership got us through the Great Depression

2. Assure voters the only poll that matters is in his pants

1. Get Sarah Palin to illegally fire herself
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Postby Turk » Thu Oct 30, 2008 1:54 pm

Top Ten Sarah Palin Excuses For Spending $150,000 On Clothes


10. "Need to look good for the Russians who can see me in Alaska"

9. "The old man spends more on Polident"

8. "Auditioning to be Paris Hilton's BFF"

7. "Wanted to impress the American voters in the evening gown competition"

6. "Maverick, Joe the plumber, maverick, maverick, William Ayers, you betcha!"

5. "I fell for the liberal retailers' 'gotcha sales tactics'"

4. "Because the dollar is so weak, it's really like I only spent $50,000"

3. "Hmm...excuses? I'll find some and I'll get right back to ya!"

2. "In addition to every newspaper and magazine, I also read every catalog"

1. "The difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull: lipstick, Prada shoes, a Gucci handbag, and a few $3,000 suits"
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Postby Turk » Thu Nov 13, 2008 7:06 pm

Top Ten Things Overheard During The Bush/Obama Meeting


10. "You sure you want this job?"

9. "Actually, sir, I do mind if you call me 'Barack-odile Dundee' "

8. "Let me know if you want the Secret Service to frisk you for fun"

7. "I appreciate the offer, but you can take the spittoons with you"

6. "Honest opinion: would it be a mistake to pardon Amy Winehouse?"

5. "Is that Roger Clinton sleeping on the sofa?"

4. "The red phone is for talking to world leaders, the blue phone is for ordering Domino's"

3. "When there's a big crisis, you might be here as late as 4pm"

2. "Other than the economy, Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, the deficit, the crumbling infrastructure, our energy policy, Gitmo and global warming, is there anything else I need to fix?"

1. "When can you start?"
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